The Value of a Childless Woman’s Advice

Now I realise I may be preaching to the converted here, but this is something that’s been bugging me for a while, so I figure it’s probably been bugging a few of you too.

Here goes:

My opinions are valid. Oh yes, I went there.

The fact that I don’t have children of my own does not mean that I don’t know when your child is… Click To Tweet. It doesn’t mean that I think they are a brat, just that they’re being a brat right now. You may disagree with my opinion, you may not want to hear it, and that’s fine. But I am allowed to have that opinion. You’re not the boss of me.

Trust me, I’m not  going to share my opinion about your bratty child, unless you ask me for it. In which case, all bets are off. And you cannot. Absolutely. Can. Not. Ask me for my opinion, and then tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about because I don’t have kids.

And if you do ask for my opinion, then maybe you should consider its value before you dismiss it. You’re right, I don’t know what it’s like, I don’t have children of my own. But maybe that’s why my advice might actually be helpful. I can look at the situation, the behaviour, the whatever, from an outside point of view. As a person who’s not so emotionally invested, or at their wits end, or just plain knackered.

And while we’re on the subject. I do know what it’s like to be tired. I don’t have children. But I do have health problems, work stress, family troubles, money worries and sleepless nights. Yup. The causes might be different, but I still have them. And my causes are just as valid, as important to me, and as relevant as yours.

Just saying.

PS: To all my friends and family, just so we’re clear, I’m not thinking of any child in particular here, okay? Obviously, none of your children are brats, would behave in a bratterly way, or would ever display even remotely bratlike behaviour. Your husbands and partners are a different story. Please let me know if you would like my opinion on them.

Enjoying the Good Without Feeling the Guilt

Are you one of those people who always look for the silver lining? I’m not. Oh, I try to be, I really do, but I’m not always able to pull it off. Particularly when things just suck. And some days, finding the silver lining is definitely easier than others.

But if you look hard enough, there is always something good in every situation Click To Tweet. It may be a tiny thing. And you may have to hunt very, very, hard to find it. But I promise you, it will be there.

And sometimes you shouldn’t even bother trying to find it. Sometimes you just need to feel like shit for a while. Not for too long, but maybe just for a while. It’s part of the healing process. As a society we seem to have moved into a place where it’s not okay to feel how you feel. You must  suck it up and try and improve your mood. Fuck it. Sometimes I just wanna be miserable. I wanna stay in bed, with comfort food, and trashy tv. I never let it go on for too long, a lifetime of Depression has taught me to keep an eye on it. But the odd day or two never hurts.

Sometimes though, we don’t want to find the silver lining. It’s too hard and even looking for it makes us feel guilty somehow. If we find something good about a crappy situation, does that mean that we don’t really feel the grief? That the pain isn’t still there? That we’re ready to move on with our lives, having “gotten over it”?

Nope. It does not.

Looking for the good in a shitty situation is a coping mechanism. It helps us deal with whatever it is we’re facing. Perhaps we need to stop thinking of situations as good or bad, maybe that will take the sting out of it. I don’t know. I don’t really have any answers here. I do know that  if I didn’t find some kind of positive in my childlessness, I wouldn’t have survived it. I would have curled up into a little ball, and I’d have stayed there.

I chose not to do that. I chose to find some good, find a reason to move forward and to find a way to move forward. And don’t get me wrong, I certainly haven’t  got it all sussed out. It’s a work in progress. Every day.

But so far, I’m winning the battle.

My Passion and Purpose

I must confess I’ve put my own passion on the back burner lately. I’ve been busy working on my purpose. I’m beginning to feel the itch though.

For those that are unaware, my passion is the Vampire novel I’ve been writing. Yeah, yeah, I know, I’ve been writing it forever. But I truly am making progress. Just not lately. Ahem. I find if I don’t spend any time on it for a while, I start to get this itchy, scratchy, feeling. You know when you’ve got a nagging feeling in the back of your brain that you’ve forgotten something? Yup. Just like that.

And it’s weird. I miss them. The characters I mean. It’s like I’ve been neglecting old friends. I feel like I have to reconnect and find out what they’ve been up to.  The problem is finding the time though isn’t it?

My current purpose focus is writing a book proposal and I’m determined to get this finished by the end of this week. My reward for finishing the proposal? Getting back time to write on my novel.

What’s the book proposal about? Childlessness. My experience of it, what it’s taught me, and what might help other women who find themselves in the same position. It’s not really a self-help book, it’s more of a chat with an old friend. Perhaps a slightly one-sided chat, but that can’t be helped really. It’s a book.

Anyhoo, so that’s where I am with my passion. And my purpose. They’re both coming along nicely, just not quite at the pace I’d prefer. Life keeps getting in the way.

Where are you at with your passion and purpose? Click To Tweet

Why we Need our Idols

It’s that time of year again. The anniversary of Elvis’s passing. Yes. I’m an Elvis Freak. And I’m proud of it. What kind of a weirdo doesn’t like Elvis?

Anyhoo, this year it’s got me thinking about the people we idolise.  Maybe idolise is too strong a word, how about the people we follow, are interested in, read about? I have several and in some cases it’s pretty obvious why I like them. Elvis definitely fits into this group. But in other cases, it’s not so obvious.

The Count and I were discussing it the other night. He’s not interested in pop stars, or actors, his idols are war heroes. Very noble. But I think if he looked at it a little more closely he would discover that the reason his idols are war heroes aren’t that much different from the reasons I choose my idols. It’s about overcoming the odds. Standing up for what you believe in. And doing the right thing.

My idols tend to be people who turn their mental illnesses into strengths and art, Click To Tweetpeople who write and celebrate their differences and show their vulnerability, and women who fight for fairness, in all of its forms. Doesn’t sound much different from war heroes, does it?

There’s a growing group of women making noise out there and these are my new idols. The likes of Helen Mirren, Ashley Graham, Jennifer Aniston. Hedy Lamarr, do you know about her? She was an actress, absolutely gorgeous. What a lot of people don’t know about her, and should know about her, is that she was inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame in 2014. She and a dude called George Antheil invented a scientific thingamyjig that was used for the Allied war effort and became the basis of our wifi and bluetooth. (No, I can’t explain it any better than that because I simply do not understand it. Way over my head)

Hedy Lamarr was known for her acting, despite an amazing achievement in another field. Jennifer Aniston and Helen Mirren are known as actresses who are constantly having to publicly defend the fact that they don’t have children but are, in fact, still actually women. Ashley Graham? Well, she’s a “plus size model.” Sigh. These women are doing something that women fought hard for the right to do. They’re voicing their opinions. They’re telling others to bugger off and mind their own business. They’re showing, not just telling, the next generations of young girls that you don’t have to do, or be, what society expects you to. Different is not “less than.” There is no “one right way.”

I don’t know about you, but I think that should be celebrated. Loudly.

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